Every time you make a decision, what guides you? It is thought that we make over 30,000 decisions every single day. That’s a lot of deciding! Some choices are more simple, automatic and require less thought – such as turning on a light switch when you want the light on. Other choices are heavier – like deciding if you want to spend time with someone you know often leaves you feeling drained.
How do you make your choices? What influences the path you take in life?
We are all capable of guiding ourselves. We can be informed by external sources, and this can help us reach decisions, but overall, only you know what is truly right for you.
Despite this, often we don’t use our internal compass in life. Why?
We’ve lost touch with it – perhaps you’re unsure of your values
We don’t trust it or believe in it – maybe your self-confidence is low
We value other sources of direction more – perhaps you lean towards pleasing others
If you don’t use your own internal compass to guide you, then you live life the way you think you ‘should’ based on other people’s/society’s values, needs and/or expectations:
Doing that is the right thing for them, so it should be the right thing for me too.
If I choose to do A, that will keep them happy, whereas if I choose B, it could upset them, so I’ll go with A.
They think I should do it, so I’ll do it.
Sometimes, this becomes so habitual we don’t even realise that these thinking processes are behind our decision-making, and ultimately our life’s direction.
When making decisions in this way, it is likely that some of the choices will line up with what is innately right for you… but not always. The problem with not using your internal compass as your guide in life, is that you risk not living in accordance with your own values and what is truly right for you. The result?
Lower self-esteem – because you’re not exercising your ability to guide your own life, you don’t develop confidence or trust in it, and therefore will continue looking to external sources to guide your decision-making.
General dissatisfaction – repeatedly living in a way that doesn’t actually match your personal values/desires thwarts your full potential as an individual, and eventually leads to you feeling dissatisfied and unfulfilled.
Many people seek therapy due to feeling generally unhappy and with an overall sense that something isn’t right, and it’s very common for them to ultimately realise that it all comes down to the fact they’re not living in congruence with their true self.
Free yourself from living within the confines of other people’s narrative. The first step is recognising when you do and don’t use your internal compass to guide you, and why.
Suggested activities:
Consider some of the big decisions you have made in your life (e.g. where you live; how you ended up doing the job you do; who you have had relationships with etc.) – you could write down up to 5 of the biggest decisions you’ve made in your life, whatever they might be! – and reflect on what influenced your choices. What guided your decisions?
Over the next week (or day, or month – it’s up to you!), every time you make a decision/choose to do something, consider what drives your decision-making. Do you base your choice on what feels intrinsically right for you? On your values? Or are you influenced by something else? Like: appeasing another person; avoiding conflict; a desire to fit in etc.
Does it depend on what type of decision you’re making?
Do you use your internal compass to make some decisions, but turn to other people’s expectations/values for other decisions?
Does it depend on how you’re feeling on a given day?
Thank you for reading. You’re welcome to share your thoughts by leaving a comment below or get in touch by using the contact form on the website.
Take care
Charlie
Disclaimer – all content is written with love and with the intention of it being helpful. The purpose is to support people in expanding their self-awareness, understanding of others, and move towards inner peace. The author is mindful that the posts may not speak to everyone (or anyone!) so take home only what feels relevant and useful for you. Please get in touch with any queries.
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